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Ok, I’m just going to put this out there – Lena Dunham reminds me of the childhood picture book character Little Critter. Don’t ask me why I think this, I just do. And I spent a solid 45min googling 90s books trying to remember what it was called. I now have the closure I need to begin watching GIRLS again.

Please note – this is nowhere near close to a ding on Ms. Dunham. For the most part I think she’s fabulous. She just happens to look like an anthropomorphic animal character created by Mercer Mayer.

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No?? Am I on my own on this one? That’s ok. I’ll just post more cover photos and geek out ‘cuz the week’s out.

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Sooo, TV’s biggest waste of airspace, the Oscars, were on last night. Did you watch? I passed. I figured if Seth MacFarlane was hosting there would be more than a little bit of singing, and since that’s always the worst part of any Family Guy, Cleveland Show or American Dad episode, I wouldn’t be missing much. From what I gather from reviews of the show, I was right. Apparently the theme for the awards show this year was music in film or some such. As I’m not in a drama club, nor a Gleek, I’m glad I passed.
That said, I’m more than happy to pass judgement on everyone’s attire. Something I feel like people could benefit from remembering is that fashion and glamor are two different concepts – fashion is about the shock of the new, while glamor is defined by desire and mystery. Unfortunately, many in Hollywood try for both and possess neither. But that’s ok – the Oscars probably shouldn’t be viewed the same as Milan or Paris fashion weeks. Ultimately the red carpet is for the couch-potato critics like me – the velour tracksuit wearing, middle American living, People magazine readers.

I’m so jazzed that Jennifer Lawrence won! I for sure thought she didn’t stand a chance slash was kind of confused as to why she was nominated, but whatevs, good for her! And the best part is that now they can promote the next installment as, ‘Hunger Games Part 2 – starring Academy Award winner Jennifer Lawrence’. But there will be plenty of time for mocking that later – let’s get on to mocking the way people look.

Lawrence/Dior

Lawrence/Dior

Jennifer Lawrence pulled off the perfect red carpet look – plenty of drama but not too many complications. The silhouette of her dress was knockout, and there was no fussy styling details detracting from that. Her swept-back hair, neat silver clutch and delicate jewelry were all in harmony. She looked like a genuinely nice person who deserved to win. Bonus points – the internal structure of her dress kept it looking great from every angle. Plus, the texture seemed to ensure that it didn’t look shiny or crinkly. Likes it!

Hathaway/Prada

Hathaway/Prada

I think it’s safe to assume it wasn’t Anne Hathaway’s intention to be upstaged by her nips, but that’s exactly what happened (kind of like how on Friends there was a span of about 3 seasons where you could see Rachel was cold in every scene). It’s actually the darting in the dress, but the resulting look is the same. I don’t care for how the satin holds its shape all the way down – looks like a stiff bridesmaids dress or something you’d wear to prom circa 2001. Plus, I feel like the look is too angular and sharp. Apparently she started talking about poor/starving people in her acceptance speech? She needs to get over herself. Bring back Princess Diaries Mia.

Adams/Oscar de la Renta

Adams/Oscar de la Renta

I LOVE gray, possibly more than anyone else, but this dress just looks dirty. Or like a rain cloud a la jimmy dean breakfast commercials. Plus, it’s just too huge for words. I wonder how many times she was stepped on? And if she shed, haha, leaving a trail of feathers. ‘Oh, there goes Amy – heading toward the bathroom.’

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Witherspoon/Louis Vuitton

Witherspoon/Louis Vuitton

The color Reese Witherspoon chose to wear was gorgeous. Flattering, different and of the moment (read, trendy) while the cut kept her dress classic. Plus, it looked great with her old-Hollywood-styled hair. I like this older, post-Ryan Reese. She seems more at ease with herself and clearly doesn’t take herself too seriously.

Chastain/Armani

Chastain/Armani

Jessica Chastain looked elegant and timeless, but my first impression was ZZZZZZ. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like every time I see her she’s wearing some neutral-toned something or other and being pale with red hair. Yawn. However, the beading was nice and I’m digging her Harry Winston frosting.

Aniston/Valentino

Aniston/Valentino

Jennifer Aniston knows her brand and knows what the public wants her to be – the nonthreatening, smiley girl-next-door. She’s made a pretty decent career out of this, and she wouldn’t want to jeopardize anything by going off-brand in some cray Bjork dress. So, throw on a strapless something, have a great blow-out, and smile a lot. Bingo bango bongo. Job done.

Michael Douglas leads his wife actress Catherine Zeta

Yo! Catherine! Beyonce wants her dress back! Catherine Zeta-Jones is gorgeous. You know that, I know that, we all know that. But, more often than not, she leans showgirl, partic in swooshy metallic. I feel like at home Michael Douglas is just like, ‘Oh, you‘ while she parades around in headdresses.

Kidman/L'Wren Scott

Kidman/L’Wren Scott

My personal winner! Nicole Kidman is a must show for the red carpet – her choices tend to be either brilliant or brilliantly awful. This, I’d say, is one of the good years. Major props for wearing a gown straight off the catwalk (I know I said red carpets were not a place for high fashion – this is an exception). Her look is #27 from the London Fashion Week show by L’Wren Scott, which took place just last week. Add to that a demure smile and clearly besotted husband, and you’ve got yourself a winner.

Stewart/Reem Acra

Stewart/Reem Acra

This is an example of a ‘why is she here’ moment – Kristen Stewart. Maybe she presented. Idk. Suffice it to say, there isn’t a dress in the world that could make Kristen Stewart look like anything other than Kristen Stewart. There’s really no other way to describe it. She’s in Reem Acra, and it’s feminine and refined, but she’s on crutches and her hair looks insane and you get the feeling there either was a tantrum earlier or there will be one soon. But she’s K-Stew. That’s how she rolls.

When did Ashton Kutcher become bearable again? I saw him on the cover of the new Esquire this morning, and it was just a sudden realization – he’s hot and no longer douchey! It’s a happy day in girltown.

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I’ve always thought he’s been amazing on That 70’s Show – his character practically single-handedly made the show a success. But then, I just got so tired of the whole goofy-fake-frat-guy-trucker-hat persona. This was probably around the time of Punk’d. Remember that show? Yea. It was like this whole little Justin Bieber phase (before there was the current toolish Biebzz).

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And then he married Demi Moore. And that was awkward b/c she’s like, legit old. Hot, but old. I mean, her daughters are practically the same age as him! He could have been watching Nick at Nite with them one minute, and banging out their mom the next. Just really bizarro.

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But, then he became a cheating ex-spouse! And it really wasn’t cool, b/c, like, just don’t do that, jaknow? It’s bad enough to have Rumor Willis splashed across the tabloids, but to see your ‘step-dad’ in there too is beyond. Plus, filling in for Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men? WTF? That show is A. Terrible and B. Way over the shark, so why not just let it go? The ‘half man’ is freaking like 32 already. Not cute.

So, I guess that leaves his saving grace as Ms. Mila Kunis. Only the sexiest woman alive. I for realz love this girl and may or may not have posters of her up in my room. It’s that kind of crush. I think it’s so great that they got together – they had great chemistry on the show and they’re both fabulously good looking, and now apparently they’re close to moving in together! Swoon.

Presh!

Presh!

This is essentially an open letter to Mila – Thank you so much for bringing Aston Kutcher back from the brink of Twitter-obsession and Nikon promotion. Thank you for making it cool to be a fan of his again. And most importantly, thanks for having a normal, sweatpant-wearing, relaxed relationship. It’s great to know that it’s ok to wear comfies outside of the house. I mean, if the stars are doing it, it must be alright…right?

I have a confession to make – recently I’ve become addicted to a reality TV show. Please don’t judge me, as I’m more than ok admitting this. In fact, I’m proud of it.(‘I’m not even mad – I’m impressed’) While I’ll keep my Biggest Loser-watching/gorging on fast food to myself, the show I’m about to talk about should be watched by anyone and everyone. It’s that damn good. The show? The Joe Schmo Show on Spike. It’s amazing and pretty much changed my life.

the guy's face from season 1 geeks me!

the guy’s face from season 1 geeks me!

The premise is that it’s a reality TV show where the entire cast is actors, EXCEPT for one guy (Joe Schmo – get it??) Currently in its third season, each year the theme of the show changes – the first year (c. 2003) was your simple, run of the mill group of randos sharing a house and a chance for $100,000. The second was a play on the Bachelor and other crappy oh-lets-look-for-lasting-love-on-national-TV shizz; and the third is a BOUNTY HUNTER competition. Yes, you read that correctly – this guy is actually competing hardcore for ‘a career change and $100,000.’

Each season has its own hilariously outrageous challenges and lines, but they’re all held together by the same host in all his glory:

with his dumb-as-rocks wife, wanda. PS - he has a rat tail. it's epic.

with his dumb-as-rocks wife, wanda. PS – he has a rat tail. it’s epic.

With lines like the ‘Pearl Necklace Eviction Ceremony’ (season 2); and ‘Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, you’re dead to us’ (season 1), what’s not to love???

There’s even a (fake) deaf girl on season 3! How she manages to play deaf is beyond me, but her deep deaf voice – you know the type – gets me every time. Particularly during a challenge when they all had to chase down a fugitive somewhere in the house whenever the sirens went off. She was all, ‘Ah cahn’t hearrr the sihhrenss’. Classic.

Two more things I find infinitely amusing and then I’ll stop: your girl Kristen Wiig is a cast member in season 1, so that’s funny. And then in season 2 there’s a falcon. As in, ‘Here’s another FALCON TWIST!’ (huge ass bird screeching and flying in like a bat out of hell), featuring Montecore in his debut role.

fly mordecai!

fly mordecai!

I have yet to actually finish a season, so I’m not sure how the dudes take it at the end, but I die just watching how douchey they are. I mean, don’t get me wrong – they all seem like genuinely nice guys. But sometimes even the nicest guys are just the biggest fist-pumping, cargo-short-wearing tools. Happens. Double douche bonus? Come to find out the guy from season 2 (Tim Walsh I think) grew up in NOVA, went to Gonzaga HS, and currently works at some bar in DC. To close this chapter of my life, I may just undertake an investigatory field trip to said bar…

I mean, look at this guy.

I mean, look at this guy.

not studly.

not studly.

Gah! I almost forgot the gays!! Each season there’s a homo – played by a straight actor. I think the first season may be the best, b/c ‘Kip’ is capri-wearingly flamboyant. However, ‘Gerald’ from season 2 might give him a run for his money. ‘Gerald’, with a hard G, is the gotta-be-gay dude, and as such keeps making comments that has the Schmo questioning his sexuality. In the end, Schmo decides that he’s probably not gay – just Canadian. Perf.

Kip!

Kip!

the-gotta-be-gay-guy. or canadian. either way.

the-gotta-be-gay-guy. or canadian. either way.

I could go on and on (more than I already  have), but the point remains the same – go watch it or I’m going to write about it again, laughing to myself at all the jokes, and you just won’t get it. Also you might receive a casual pouch for your birthday. Be excited.

Too important not to post – it’s this kind of blatant hypocrisy that makes me so fed up with politics. I sincerely hope that people question the candidate’s statements and stay informed enough to make educated votes come November.

Paul Ryan fails — the truth

By Jonathan Bernstein

It was, by any reasonable standards, a staggering, staggering lie. Here’s Paul Ryan about Barack Obama:

He created a bipartisan debt commission. They came back with an urgent report.  He thanked them, sent them on their way, and then did exactly nothing.

“They.” “Them.” “Them.” Those words are lies. Because Paul Ryan was on that commission. “Came back with an urgent report.” That is a lie. The commission never made any recommendations for Barack Obama to support or oppose. Why not? Because the commission voted down its own recommendations. Why? Because Paul Ryan, a member of the commission, voted it down and successfully convinced the other House Republicans on the commission to vote it down.

That wasn’t the only bit of mendacity – lazy mendacity, incredibly lazy mendacity – in Ryan’s speech. Twitter lit up as soon as he started telling the story of the Janesville auto plant that Barack Obama didn’t save – a plant that, it turns out, closed before Obama was president. And of course there’s the infamous cuts to Medicare that Ryan lambasted Obama for without happening to mention that those very same cuts were in Paul Ryan’s own budget. Yes: absolutely everything in Obamacare is an abomination, says Paul Ryan, except for (as he forgets to mention) the cuts to Medicare that he supports – and yet he still singles that part out to use as an attack.

It isn’t even true in some symbolic or abstract way. The real truth is that Paul Ryan completely rejects the approach of that commission – because it includes tax increases along with spending cuts – while Barack Obama has, while not endorsing the exact plan that Ryan shot down, basically endorsed the commission’s approach. Nor was this a side point; Ryan’s complaint about Obama on the deficit was absolutely central to his case against the president.

And then there’s the logic of the whole thing. As Seth Masket said, it all comes down to arguing “we must cut entitlements! Obama cutting entitlements is un-American.”  There’s also, as many were pointing out, the plain fact that until January 2009 Paul Ryan faithfully supported all the tax cuts and spending increases which created the deficit problem he’s been so concerned about since January 2009.

But really, the proper response to a speech like this isn’t to carefully analyze the logic, or to find instances of hypocracy; it’s to call the speaker out for telling flat-out lies to the American people. Paul Ryan has had what I’ve long thought was an undeserved good reputation among many in the press and in Washington. It shouldn’t survive tonight’s speech.

I’m about to get real real corny with you – this is a post about my hero, my dad, AND is written on a Sunday, clearly breaking the no post weekend rule. THAT’S how important my dad is to me.

I suppose hero is the wrong word choice – my dad has never pulled a cat from a burning building, or caught a thief who snatched an old woman’s purse. Hell, he doesn’t even break for squirrels. But, none of that matters to me, b/c he’s pretty much 80% responsible for the awesome person I am today.

A little background – my pops is an old man. Straight up – he’s turning 68 on Tuesday (I’m his oldest and only 26). He’s been retired since I was in 8th grade and has basically just hung around the house since, living the dream. He worked his ass off my entire childhood (traveled constantly, late nights at the office) to make sure that our house was paid off and we had everything we needed. We didn’t always get everything we wanted (ahem, name brands), but we never went without.

My dad and I have always had a unique relationship. Early in high school he tried to be tough (‘I expect straight As’), but after my brothers turned out to be less than ideal academics (‘I expect A B C honor roll’ ??!) he morphed into the lax, funny dude he is today.

To my recollection, we’ve only had one fight that lasted more than a day – and it was my fault to begin with. I was the one who broke curfew to stay out all night with some guy and then lied and said the movie had run late (way to go 14 year old me!) Other than that, we shouted over where I’d go to college, but in the end I gave in. And thank god! Otherwise I would have ended up at a subpar school close to home simply b/c my then-boyfriend was there. Pops 1, me 0.

My dad has stood by practically every decision I’ve made, even those I’m sure he could tell weren’t going to work from the get go. He scrimped and saved early on so that he could provide me with 4 years of school debt free. Hell, just recently in a moment of insane irresponsibility I put a $500+ flight on his cc simply b/c I wanted to get home from a business trip 12 hours earlier, and when he called all he asked was if I would be home in time to join him for dinner.

This is getting sappy and long winded, but I have one last point to talk about. My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s 3 years ago. It started with a slight tremor (‘fack Dad, stop shaking that damn newspaper!’) and has progressed to a relatively crippling disease. Luckily, he’s still able to function independently, but it has affected his motor skills in that both his hands shake to the point where detailed work, such as writing and typing, has become arduous and taxing. He currently takes medicine that is supposed to lessen the symptoms, but it’s not capable of fully eliminating them. Thus, he has a few good hours in the morning before the medicine begins to wear off and make him nauseous and dizzy.

It breaks my heart to see my strong, independent dad so miserable. He tries to joke about it (‘what’s the point of me getting an ipad? It’d end up like an etch-a-sketch’) and keep the severity from my brothers and me, but I know it’s taking its toll. To try to stay sane, he builds kayaks in our gazebo out back. These turn out beautifully – all shiny with lacquer and intricately detailed – but there’s always the underlying concern regarding him and a table saw (80/20 joking). He’s since branched out into hand carved paddles as well, but the market for these is a bit, um, niched.

paddlefun.com!

He no longer goes kayaking or bike riding solo. A quick aside – his bike is now this bad ass incumbent trike with this bright orange flag on a pole off the back, so cars can see him as he goes whizzing by. My dad doesn’t have too many friends (by choice), but the few in his crew of bros have been as supportive as they can by going with him when their schedules permit. And of course, the OG bros – my brothers – live at home and try to keep him young. (Pops says he’s the only 68 year old living in a dorm.)

‘you’re my boy blue!’

Enough rambling. Today my dad was supposed to go to the Nats game with my brother and his gf (a Yankees fan – blech), but is having a bad day symptom-wise. The more responsible of my two irresponsible brothers called to let me know and to ask me to stop by to check on him, so I’ll be spending the afternoon with him – watching the Germany game, and soaking up some QT with Pops – the man, the myth, the legend. Father’s Day is supposed to recognize fathers everywhere, but I say to hell with that. All I care about is making sure my dad knows that I’d do anything for him. But the beauty is, he’d never ask me for a thing.

Do you watch GIRLS on HBO? If not, you have to get on it. A friend of mine texted me asking the same question when it first premiered and saying that he thought it was pretty much my life in a nutshell. Come to find out he was spot on – no less than once every episode I find myself nodding and going ‘mmhmmm, ain’t that the truth; been there‘ (why I have to watch it in the privacy of my own home).

I don’t know what it is, but apparently all those hilarious experiences that I thought were strictly mine are part of the universal curriculum of the 20-something female. Go fig. I’d like to think that I’m not quite as self-centered and whiny as Hannah, the main character (played with deadpan aplomb by Lena Dunham, the series’ writer and creator), but she always seems to bear the burnt of the horribly hilarious jizzasters.

please note – I picked the most flattering shot I could find.

I’d like to talk about how my feelings toward the character of Adam – Hannah’s quasi-boyfriend/full time hook up – have changed. I was recently in Long Beach for work, and have subsequently come down with a pretty wicked cold due to recycled air in planes and hotels, and PEOPLE in general. Thus, I’m home sick and just caught up on the two GIRLS episodes I missed. Needless to say, many things happened, but the biggest is that I now am firmly on team Adam!

I mean, let’s be honest, he’s not the most attractive guy on the show. But he kind of fits Hannah on that level. Plus, he grows on you – his dorky ears and mustache almost seem endearing when he’s not being a complete and utter ass. In the beginning of the series, it seems that he could give two less about her, and that he disappears for weeks on end until he wants some. BUT, in the past two episodes there seems to be an almost genuine change.

It’s not quite the Mr. Darcy-esque 180*, but he does tell Hannah he misses her, AND it’s revealed that the only reason he isn’t forthcoming with information is that she never asks.Due to her selfishness, she is only privy to his witty quips, not the fun loving guy who has a good time completely sober.

Anyways, this is rambling. I’m blaming it on the meds. Point being, Hannah had better not eff this up – Adam even offered to be her boyfriend if that’s what she wants. Be still my beating heart.

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