Sooo, TV’s biggest waste of airspace, the Oscars, were on last night. Did you watch? I passed. I figured if Seth MacFarlane was hosting there would be more than a little bit of singing, and since that’s always the worst part of any Family Guy, Cleveland Show or American Dad episode, I wouldn’t be missing much. From what I gather from reviews of the show, I was right. Apparently the theme for the awards show this year was music in film or some such. As I’m not in a drama club, nor a Gleek, I’m glad I passed.
That said, I’m more than happy to pass judgement on everyone’s attire. Something I feel like people could benefit from remembering is that fashion and glamor are two different concepts – fashion is about the shock of the new, while glamor is defined by desire and mystery. Unfortunately, many in Hollywood try for both and possess neither. But that’s ok – the Oscars probably shouldn’t be viewed the same as Milan or Paris fashion weeks. Ultimately the red carpet is for the couch-potato critics like me – the velour tracksuit wearing, middle American living, People magazine readers.

I’m so jazzed that Jennifer Lawrence won! I for sure thought she didn’t stand a chance slash was kind of confused as to why she was nominated, but whatevs, good for her! And the best part is that now they can promote the next installment as, ‘Hunger Games Part 2 – starring Academy Award winner Jennifer Lawrence’. But there will be plenty of time for mocking that later – let’s get on to mocking the way people look.



Jennifer Lawrence pulled off the perfect red carpet look – plenty of drama but not too many complications. The silhouette of her dress was knockout, and there was no fussy styling details detracting from that. Her swept-back hair, neat silver clutch and delicate jewelry were all in harmony. She looked like a genuinely nice person who deserved to win. Bonus points – the internal structure of her dress kept it looking great from every angle. Plus, the texture seemed to ensure that it didn’t look shiny or crinkly. Likes it!



I think it’s safe to assume it wasn’t Anne Hathaway’s intention to be upstaged by her nips, but that’s exactly what happened (kind of like how on Friends there was a span of about 3 seasons where you could see Rachel was cold in every scene). It’s actually the darting in the dress, but the resulting look is the same. I don’t care for how the satin holds its shape all the way down – looks like a stiff bridesmaids dress or something you’d wear to prom circa 2001. Plus, I feel like the look is too angular and sharp. Apparently she started talking about poor/starving people in her acceptance speech? She needs to get over herself. Bring back Princess Diaries Mia.

Adams/Oscar de la Renta

Adams/Oscar de la Renta

I LOVE gray, possibly more than anyone else, but this dress just looks dirty. Or like a rain cloud a la jimmy dean breakfast commercials. Plus, it’s just too huge for words. I wonder how many times she was stepped on? And if she shed, haha, leaving a trail of feathers. ‘Oh, there goes Amy – heading toward the bathroom.’


Witherspoon/Louis Vuitton

Witherspoon/Louis Vuitton

The color Reese Witherspoon chose to wear was gorgeous. Flattering, different and of the moment (read, trendy) while the cut kept her dress classic. Plus, it looked great with her old-Hollywood-styled hair. I like this older, post-Ryan Reese. She seems more at ease with herself and clearly doesn’t take herself too seriously.



Jessica Chastain looked elegant and timeless, but my first impression was ZZZZZZ. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like every time I see her she’s wearing some neutral-toned something or other and being pale with red hair. Yawn. However, the beading was nice and I’m digging her Harry Winston frosting.



Jennifer Aniston knows her brand and knows what the public wants her to be – the nonthreatening, smiley girl-next-door. She’s made a pretty decent career out of this, and she wouldn’t want to jeopardize anything by going off-brand in some cray Bjork dress. So, throw on a strapless something, have a great blow-out, and smile a lot. Bingo bango bongo. Job done.

Michael Douglas leads his wife actress Catherine Zeta

Yo! Catherine! Beyonce wants her dress back! Catherine Zeta-Jones is gorgeous. You know that, I know that, we all know that. But, more often than not, she leans showgirl, partic in swooshy metallic. I feel like at home Michael Douglas is just like, ‘Oh, you‘ while she parades around in headdresses.

Kidman/L'Wren Scott

Kidman/L’Wren Scott

My personal winner! Nicole Kidman is a must show for the red carpet – her choices tend to be either brilliant or brilliantly awful. This, I’d say, is one of the good years. Major props for wearing a gown straight off the catwalk (I know I said red carpets were not a place for high fashion – this is an exception). Her look is #27 from the London Fashion Week show by L’Wren Scott, which took place just last week. Add to that a demure smile and clearly besotted husband, and you’ve got yourself a winner.

Stewart/Reem Acra

Stewart/Reem Acra

This is an example of a ‘why is she here’ moment – Kristen Stewart. Maybe she presented. Idk. Suffice it to say, there isn’t a dress in the world that could make Kristen Stewart look like anything other than Kristen Stewart. There’s really no other way to describe it. She’s in Reem Acra, and it’s feminine and refined, but she’s on crutches and her hair looks insane and you get the feeling there either was a tantrum earlier or there will be one soon. But she’s K-Stew. That’s how she rolls.


Are designer jeans still all the rage? I feel like in these times of ‘economic uncertainty’ they’re really not. It’s more about having the right look than the right brand. The right fit than the right logo splashed across your ass. However, if this is the case, as I know it is, is there any market for secondhand designer schwag? In particular, I’m thinking of consigning a bunch of jeans for a slight influx of cashmonies.

I’m kind of a jean whore – I have no less than 20 pairs, of which I wear approx. two with any regularity. The remainder are essentially all (expensive) impulse buys. My fave pairs cost a grand total of maybe $50. So, anyone want in on my Joe Jeans? My J Brands? My 7 for All Mankinds?!?! I can certify that you can’t even tell that any have been worn – mainly b/c they haven’t. I recognize that I’ll get hardly anything compared to what I paid, but I’m ok with that. Anything is more than I’d get from them just taking up closet space.


(Remember the time when Dooney and Bourke bags were all the rage? Thank god that crass craze is over. Anything that screams ‘I need logos to validate my existence!’ is a poor fashion choice. I’m looking at you Coach and Louis Vuitton. The only time it’s acceptable is when it’s by you, for you.)


Have you ever sat down and actually considered what you own of value and how much it’s actually worth? I have surprisingly little. I have quite a collection of stuff, but nothing that could fetch over maybe $500. Designer bags, jeans, snowboards, some jewelry…that’s about it. Nothing electronic – my TV is old as crap and my laptop is a complete piece.

I don’t even have a pair of Beats headphones to potentially be held up for on the street. It’s kind of depressing. Leads to that old question, if there was a fire, and you could only save one thing, what would it be?

born rich

born rich

My answer? Umm…actually, I’m not really sure. In this day and age there’s hardly anything that can’t be re-acquired. I’m sure something of sentimental value would come to mind in the heat of the moment (pun intended), but until then I prefer to keep all my jewelry on and my money in the bank.

However, if something did go down, you can be damn sure I’d bill the insurance company for one million dollars. B/c who are they to know that I don’t have first editions and impressionist masterpieces in my room?! ‘zactly.


In other news, have you ever tried to play Apples to Apples with a bunch of super stoned people? If you haven’t, DON’T. If you have, you know what I’m talking about. It’s beyond ridiculous – the card with the word will be lying face up on the table, and people will ask, no less than three times each, what it is. Hazy vision I suppose. Plus, as if that isn’t bad enough, all of a sudden everyone decides to take every definition literally. The subtleties of an office cubicle as an example of ‘savage’ or the MTV music awards as ‘excruciating’ are lost on people who discredit your submission b/c they ‘sometimes like watching the performances.’ Just a little weekend tipski. You’ll thank me later.

note - this is NOT one of my actual friends. i dont associate with uggos.

note – this is NOT one of my actual friends. i dont associate with uggos.

Know what makes me sad? When the Nationals break my heart. Even though to some degree it’s expected, it’s really not. I thought for sure they were going all the way. Why the hell else would I have devoted countless hours to watching, attending and following baseball this past summer? #saditutde :*(

I was going to write a post Friday morning about the euphoria of Thursday night, then decided against it on the off chance that my seldom-read blog would somehow jinx them. All for naught I suppose, and now I don’t even have a written record of how good it felt for one day. le sigh.

Know what makes me happy? Shopping and new things; it’s a problem. Retail therapy is an addiction, and the high hardly even lasts that long. However, I’ve purchased some real gems lately, partly b/c it was recently my bday, and partly b/c I just damn well felt like it. So, I will now be telling you ALL.ABOUT.THEM. Be excited!

Last week I had to return a dress to Banana and ended up finding the perfect sweater dress. I’m officially in love. It’s gray and black striped and looks great with my new gray suede boots. I thought the one I had returned was going to be my new go-to, but alas, ‘twas not to be. It was a black shift dress with ¾ sleeves and leather trim and it was straight UGLY. Fit like absolute crap and was possibly the most unflattering thing I’d ever put on.

The perfect purchase! (not me, obvi)

After my Banana stop, I headed over to Sephora to make good use of the gift card my guy’s family so thoughtfully gifted me for my bday. I have a subscription to Birchbox b/c I’m a complete product junkie, so I had a hard time narrowing my skincare purchases down to a reasonable amount. Hence, my splurge – hotrollers. (!!!) I had a set in hs, but these are infinitely more awesome. (They should be – cost a pretty penny.) I have yet to master actually using them, but they look awesome in my bathroom.

Saturday night my guy and I went to CoCo Sala for a joint bday celebration, and let me just tell you, the best part about that outing was getting dressed. I finally got to wear this snazzy little number from ASOS that’s been sitting in my closet for ages. If it wasn’t backless, I would DEFINITELY have worn it to work, b/c really that’s where I spend the majority of my time outside of my house. Verdict – go to wear clothes you love, but not for the food. Wasn’t all that.

Speaking of, wearing new threads today! Makes Monday ::this:: much better (that’s not much, but it’s a start). Particularly a Monday after your fantasy team is annihilated by Aaron Rodgers (44.60pts) and Jordy effing Nelson (34.50). FML.

‘My feet are soaked, but my cuffs are bone dry!’

In case you’re wondering, (I know you’re not, but work with me here) shopping deetz for my outfit are as follows: shoes, Aldo; cropped pants, Target; collar necklace, ASOS; nail polish, essie – devil’s advocate

Two of my favorite books are going to be (re)made into movies this year – The Great Gatsby and Anna Karenina. Both are period pieces and are set to feature fabulous jewelry – TGG will be outfitted by Tiffany and AK by Chanel. Needless to say I’m beyond stoked. Tiffany is celebrating its 175th anniversary this month – it first opened its doors September 14, 1837 in New York’s lower Manhattan. Get this – the first day’s sales totaled $4.98; a far cry from today’s standards.

I love all things fashion, but particularly how certain brands have managed to become iconic, both in America and worldwide. Images representing Tiffany and Chanel continue to be some of the most easily identifiable, both through marketing campaigns and 20th century PR. When I think Tiffany I automatically think diamonds, and when I think Chanel, it’s straight pearls. Back to my original point, Chanel is outfitting the cast of Anna Karenina because Keira Knightley is playing the lead, and she’s currently the face of Chanel.

Ms. Knightley starred in a movie I saw over the weekend – Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. As the title suggests, it’s a bit of an unsettling concept; Earth is set to be demolished in a couple of weeks’ time, and society has basically ground to a halt. Flights are canceled, televised news casts/print periodicals/basic sources of information are no longer available as everyone wants to be with their families, and rioting reigns supreme. Amidst it all, two people who have been neighbors finally meet and become friends in their search to find a way to reunite one with an overseas family and the other with a high school sweetheart. Left alone, they await the end of humanity together and finally realize what life is all about.

So – here’s the kicker – the movie is saying that basically it takes a life shattering event to finally come to some semblance of an idea of the meaning of life. That’s depressing as hell. It took everything I had not to start sobbing uncontrollably, simply b/c it’s just such a dark idea. It speaks to our most basic existential crisis (at least mine) – what’s the damn point of it all? And, if we do ever figure it out, will it only be at the very end when there’s no time left to sit back and be relaxed for once? I’m not looking for pure bliss here, just an even-keeled contented existence. Sitting back and just being for once – no racing thoughts, no worries about money or careers or the endless suffering of others. I guess until that time comes I’ll continue to try to lose myself in movies and books, per the usush.

What’s poppin interweb readers? Did you catch a glimpse of the shuttle Discovery outside your office window on the way to its final home at the Air and Space Museum? It was pretty darn nifty.

Since it’s finally warming up outside, I’ve had plenty of reasons to go shopping for ‘the new season’ (excuse mine). To that extent, I’ve found more than a few gems I’d like to share with my nearest and dearest. Lucky you!

  1. HOT PANTS!! I found the most amazing pair of coral hot pants. I know, you’re probably thinking, ‘sweet jebus that sounds horrid’ – but trust me, they’re not. I snagged them on a whim from Forever21 (cheap!) and fell in love as soon as I got home and tried them on. With the cuffed hem and sailor front, they’ll go perfect with wedges all summer long. And trust me, I willbe wearing them as often as is socially acceptable.
  2. Cosabella for jcrew lace bra in blush – I have an attraction to all things old-timey and romantic, and couldn’t pass up the opportunity for a blush bra. No joke, blush is fast becoming my color for spring – unintentionally. It seems as if every time I get home from shopping I’ve inadvertently purchased something in this color. Imho, it’s way better than last season’s nude trend.
  3. Mirrored aviators – I don’t know why I’m drawn to crazy shades, but these from asos were pretty bitchin. Plus, the price can’t be beat. An added bonus is that asos offers free shipping; the perfect logic to support buying just one more item. Recently, these suns were featured in a WhoWhatWear microtrend article– not to be all, oh I know so much about fashion and I’m so kewl, but I mean, that’s kinda big time.
  4. eos lip balm – eos (evolution of smooth) is a fully organic line of skincare. Being the product junky that I am, I quickly fell in love with the matte finish packaging and non-waxy feel of this stick. My guy’s mom turned me on to this, and they picked the perfect flavor – sweet mint. However, for those who love sickeningly sweet fruitstuffs, they have that too. Every time I look at mine on my desk at work it makes me just a bit happier.

There you have it. My apparently top 4 new favorite finds; almost all surprisingly affordable. So, if you want to be in with the in crowd (like moi), step to it. If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

So the caps blew last night. It was really worth sitting through a 0-0 game to see them lose in overtime. However, two of my faves came over and got to leave with bags of my (former) possessions – it’s spring cleaning time and I’m in full on purge mode! I went through my clothes Wed night and found that almost all of the dresses I bought last summer are too big. I know it’s a good problem to have, but it sucks to have spent money on stuff I can no longer wear. I even teared up a bit as my favorite dress hung in all the wrong places due to my lack of huge tits.

But, my loss is their gain. Another area I was inspired to clean up was my facebook account – there are entirely too many people that I’m ‘friends’ with that I could give two about. It took me about an hour this morning, b/c you have to go through and individually unfriend people, but it was worth it – 100 people that I never have to think about again. Not that it matters much anyways as I’m hardly ever on, but it’s cathartic.

There was a good post on Thought Catalog about the ‘5 Things that 20-somethings Should Clean Up This Spring’ – facebook and closets being two of them. You might actually have nothing to wear: half of your clothes belong to another season and the other half is fit for like, a job interview at Hooter’s or eloping with an Egyptian prince or you, twenty pounds ago. As for facebook, Instead of crying about new moms and illiterates and conservatives clogging up your News Feed, a suggestion: defriend people you don’t like? <– that’s totally me! I’m glad I can now look with scorn at those who kvetch. And this point was just hilariously true:

If you’re worried about maintaining a respectable number of friends, allow me to ease your mind: no one cares about how many Facebook friends you have. There was a time when people were maybe impressed by your number of ‘friends,’ and that time was 2004. Not one person worth knowing believes that the number of Facebook friends you have indicates something positive about you, no one even knows where to find your number of friends probably, probably no one even looks at your profile anymore because at this point we’re all just logging in to broadcast the things we think make us look desirable and to mindlessly click through our tagged photos while ruminating on how young/ thin/ happy we used to be.

The other three things TC suggests cleaning up are ‘Ex Museums’ (those boxes of crap that you never look at but “can’t bear” to part with. Oy vey.); your cell phone contact list (done); and your liver (moot point). This post isn’t to toot my own horn about how awesome I am and how many great life strides I’ve taken this week, but to let you know that if you’re still my facebook friend and you’d like some new-to-you threads, holler at your girl.

This bird’s the word – THE CAPS MADE THE PLAYOFFS!!! Whooooooooo. 5th straight appearance, even though it’s been touch and go since about, oh, October. I’m ecstatic and can’t wait to attend a game – the atmosphere is electric and can’t be topped.

(Never NOT funny)

A very happy Good Friday to those of you who care; please don’t be offended, but I could give two about this whole Easter janx. Not because I’m particularly unreligious (I am), but because I don’t understand its purpose as a holiday.

I appreciate getting out of work early, but there aren’t any presents involved (baskets don’t count – they’re generally filled with junk anyways) and the food isn’t anything special. Additionally, it’s not like there’s any good TV on AND it’s always on a Sunday, so no matter what you still have to go to work the next day.

I can get behind the feelings of rebirth associated with spring, and the flowers are beautiful, but I’ve never been big on creepy Easter bunnies (and getting your picture taken with one) and painting eggs. What a waste of time and energy. I’ll take some stargazer lilies and a spicy bloody mary and call it a day thank you very much.

(As creepy as that bunny is, the gent sitting toward the front of the pic isn’t much better. Never catch me on that train. PS – this pic is from a great link: The 65 Sketchiest Easter Bunnies – it’s a furry fest!)

One redeeming aspect of Sundays is the return of MadMen. I’ve been eagerly anticipating this for about a year and a half, and thus far it hasn’t disappointed. I’ll try not to give anything away, but suffice it to say that there’s already been a ‘provocative’ dance scene and a cancer scare.

Episode two was devoted to the duality of youth and mortality – embodied by Don and Harry trying to score the Rolling Stones (!!!) for an advertisement for canned beans. While backstage at the concert, they encounter some young fans who become the cornerstone of the counterculture movement. Suffice it to say, they don’t score the deal and come away realizing they’re relics of a passing age.

Meanwhile, Betty is FAT (!!!) I know. I was shocked too. When she goes to visit a doctor to get weight loss pills, he thinks it might be thyroid cancer. However, the tests come back negative. She’s simply unhappy – with her second marriage, her new house, her beautiful children, her boredom and her life overall. I feel like this is something that most women can identify with; it’s a vicious cycle – unhappy -> eat -> fat -> even more unhappy -> even more food.

There were two parts in particular with which I feel a number of people I’ve talked can relate. The first was when she was trying to squeeze into her old clothes and the zipper just wouldn’t budge. It’s a horrible feeling – not to be dramatic, but it kind of causes your entire worldview to shift – all your familiar items, comforts, are beyond reach. The second was when she was getting out of the tub and she didn’t want her husband to see. Of all people he shouldn’t have mattered, and yet it’s the same as people only wanting sex with the lights out – it’s someone that theoretically knows every inch, but there’s still an unshakeable shame.

I happen to like Betty – icy bitch that she is – so hopefully this will be a positive for her relationship with her daughter, Sally, played by Kiernan Shipka – possibly the coolest preteen actress EVER. Scope this article to see her evolving style.  And on that note, I’m off to contemplate how insanely jealous I am that a twelve year old has a better sense of personal style than I do. Sigh.

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